Planetary
by xXPINEAPPLEZZZXz
Summary: Scarlett, a Slytherin girl who is in her seventh year at Hogwarts. She has a crush on Blaise Zabini. Unfortunately, everyone seemes to force her away from him using various methods. Set in a seventh year Hogwarts AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n- u guys bettah liek this or im tellin mah motha. she wil ban all ov u. i meen it11!**

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my name iz scarlet obsidian super-emo mira day. i hav natural bleu hair taht goes down to my hips and i liek it a lot. it is very strait. i also have purple eyez and every1 luvs me! i go to hogwarts an my best freind iz depressus- formerly nown as Blaze Zamboni. i am not related 2 amy lee but i wish i was- she is supah hawt and i wuld grow male penis to stick in her. right now i is wearing green sweeater and black leggings (if u call me a wannabe jock, i stab u throo computer. i am emo duh). also did i mention that i goes to hogwarts. it is best schooling in scottland and i am fifteen but i am super smart! that means i am in year seven, even tho i am 2 years yunger than all ze stoodents in my grade. i am in slytherin house which is most emo house. ravenclaw iz for ze nerds, hufflepuff iz for loners and gryffindor is for ze jocks and slytherin iz for emos. also i have pale skin which makes me look like a unicorn.

"hey scarlet." draco malfoy, a fuckboy in year 7 asks

"wut." i reply

"hav six with me plz." he begs

"no" i sternly say

"y naut" he complains

"u smell wierd" i retort.

"u r not nice scarlet. i like u anyways becuz u r so pretty and hawt" he says

"i liek depressus more tan u." i say

"why" he cries "im gonna go slit my wrist and kill myself."

draco takes his knife and stabs his wrist but i take it in my hand and uze my super mmagical heeling powahs and keeep him alive. he stabs me with his knife but becuz im a magicall heeling unicron, i become immofrtal. well nawt immortal, but he can't kill me. professor severus sanpe cums and says, "thrity points to slyferin for attackin anothr student."

 **a/n shuld i continue? by teh way, scarlet iz not marry suu. she haz flaws. shes a unicron!**


	2. namenicks and depressus

**dizcliamer- i iz not jk rowling. ujreqbfroerqirfoqi**

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sanpe wuz nown 4 hiz xtremely large male genetals. he wanted to fuck evry girl at snogwarts skool. sumtimes he wuld fuck 1st yers and he wuld fuck Dumblewhore. "oh YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" dumblewhore screamed.

so when he saw scarlet his male genetals got rlly hard. " "thrity points to slyferin for attackin anothr student." he sed hiding a stiffy. draco malfoy was bout to steel hiz prise. HOW DARE HE! he wanted sacrlet to himself and he wuld do anything. but he always had to give points 2 slytherin. evry1 hated slytherin.

i looked up at ze professor, "why do you hav a boner?" She asked, "ur so ugly that if you weren't a virgin evry1 wuld die from shock."

sanpe cried and ran away screaming "lily this gurl is a beeeeyottchhhhhhhhhh. cum back lily. i want to stick penis in ur vagina and in ur butthole."

tehn he fell down, unconciociocious.

i and draco now were lookin at each other, sittin at teh slytherin table, barley stiffin an laugh. "u need a namenick draco. wat about ping-pong." i asked

"nah. to muggle." draco complianed.

"wat about tom." i lauhged.

"to simple." draco whined.

"wat about qwertyuiop" i giggled.

"wat teh hell iz that." draco asked

"no idea" i repleid.

"then no." draco sed, anoyed.

"wat about weazle?" i joked

"eye like it!" draco exclaimed

"okay weazle. now im gonna hav a namenick too!" i spok

"what about scar?" draco sed siriusly.

"YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE IT!" i excliamed

i looked up into the eyes of dumblewhore and he asked "hav sex wit me scarlet."

"no dumblewhore. go fuck hermoooooone, ze cow." i sed, rollin my eyez. dumblewhore tried to do thiz evry day but today i had secret nowledge that meant he culdnt bother me anymore.

"but all she doez is moooooooooooo." dumblewhore complianed.

"go away. im a unicron and im pure and i dont have sex with old gay men." i retorted

"how did u know i wuz gay." dumblewhore asked.

"i see ze way u look at sanpe and i walked in on u having six with gilderoyyyyyyyyyyy cockharttttttttttttt. aka the hore. besides i wanna fuck depressus." i replied

"who iz depressus." dumblewhore asked

"blaze zamboni" i replied.

dumblewhore ran away crying and draco and i were luaghing. hermooooone was sittin at ze gryffndr table were she let out a loud mooooooo. i and weazle broke into luaghter and depressus came into ze grate hall with black circle under his eyez. "whaz wrong depressus. u look tired. did u sleep okay?" i asked

depressus replied "no. i kept on thinkin about how hot u were and how i wanted u to be mine 4evah."

"what's keepin us apart?" i aked

"im secretly gay." depressus cried

i wanted to slap him. the love of my life wuz gay! that means he would hav 2 join ze gay house, gaygaygay. dumblewhore was in it wehn he wuz at snogworts and ze sortin hat culd tell if u were gay or not. i slapped depressus and he cried out in pain.

"ow! watcha do zat for?" he complianed.

"u r not gay depressus. or u wuld be a member of gaygaygay." i retarted.

"but ron weasel sed i wuz." depressus cried.

"tonight we get the weasel." i laughed, evillly.

"me?" weazle asked.

"oh i forgot that ur namenick is weazle. also u can com wit uz az well." i replied

"yay." he sed

 **AN: did u liek it. i luved writing it.**


	3. lakatives

**A/N: I GET REVIOW STAYTING THIS IZ TROL FIK! I IS WRITING DIS 5 MY OWN ENERTANMENT!**

ron weasley-dumblewhore hatd me. he wanted 2 b wit me bc i iz so awsome. so he insluted blaze bye calling him gay. he also wuz secretly gay 4 hermooooooooone but since hermooooooooone iz a guy bretending 2 b a gurl, he izn't gay. also his pairents r dumblewhore and sanpe.

i ran into my bedroom and put on 40 layrs of eyeliner so wehn I cried, my teers wuld b black. weazel also wore eyeliner but he never admited it to any1. he was such a butthole!!111 i hated him sumtimes!

i looked at weazel and he wuz reddy to go. we were going 2 put poopy-pills in ron's drik. den he wuld hav 2 go potty evry 5 minutes. "dat iz such a gud Ikea" weazel roared

"since wen can u red my mnid" asked

"u hav been talking bout it 4 da past 5 minutes" depressus joined in

"oh rite i has memeory problems." i admitted

im soooo exzited weazel said

So was i


	4. luscious malfoy

**A/N: fuk u peeps**

i went 2 da grate hal I saw piel off shite. "wat da fuk?" i sad

"me stomach ahurty," won weeesley compliant

"dat don't meen u can sit in da middul of da hall."

and den all of a suden, ron ran away. I feeled bad 4 3 sexonds and den I foolowed him 2...da boys bafroom!1!11111!!!!!!!

"y art thou in here." an horrible man with long blonde heir with purple tips red tripes und bleu zagzigs luked at me.

"I hav evry rite 2 be in heer u stupid, preppy, dummie, motherfucker."

"well my name is Luscious Malfoy and I say ur a gurl so u don t belong her."

"well me looky for some1."

"who u lucking four?"

"Me lick for roneld weezly."

"wheel he iz in da stall."

"Fank oo."

i lucked into da stall (I climbed under it) and saw Ronnie klutched on da seat enERgetic. "my belly js hurry. I am in pain"

"well we gav oo lakativws bec u r so meen to my freinds"

"why u got to be mean like dat?"

"u were rood"

and then...he started to kiss me. I kissed back until me rememeber dat he shite on da floor."ew no stawp."

"fine"

Den I herd Luscious call me and I go away


	5. luscious the hooflepoof

Lusciouss malfoi take me to da hooflepof coomon room. he grab me by hair and hells 'scraloot i wanna have six with u'

'no fuk off u mommy fookin bithc'

'but i liek being a pedophile.'

'well go rape ron then he likes dick in butt.'

'but scarlett, he defecated on da foor.'

'go fuck off' i slap him in the head.

all of a sudden, luscious takes off all of his clothes and i scream, he wuz glnna rape me11! it wuzn't fiar, i did nothing to deserve it exept feed ron lakatives and make him sit on the floor1. i wuz angry becus i didnt wanna be raped. i start to scream and lusciius takes of his pants and i see his iunferwear. i scream because his coc was almost as long as depressius' but not as long. nobodysdickl was as long as depressus'. and ten he takes off his shit and his panties and i scream becauz he looked just luek weaslke but not exatly like weasle.

and then WEAZLE cums in and yells 'don't rape scar dad!'

'fuck off draco i never liked you.\

'i nevr liked u either dad111!'

and then weazle pulls me out of da room and says, 'sorry dad is weird, he once had sex wth a tree. also would u liek to go out wit me, scar, u awezum unicorn.'

i nearly scream


End file.
